Dear Jim Hogue – From a ‘big’ girl…With Love.

*Please take the time to read the article I am responding to, which is here! *

 

Dear Mr Hogue, I have just finished the article you wrote titled ’15 Thoughts Every Guy Has When Dating A Bigger Woman’ – If you could even pass it for an article. This is quite clearly an opinion piece, because you submit no evidence to support any of your claims, and the language you use to describe ‘bigger’ women just cries out that you have no knowledge of how women like to be spoken too. So here is a little lesson, and I thought I’d break it down in a way you could understand because you seem so fond of the fifteen point system.

15. Your Date Is Tough…

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Fierce looking couple in matching leather jackets.

I’m a woman on the curvier side, as a size 14 with D cups (It means I have a bum and boobs by the way) and I grew up doing manual labour with my Dad who was a self-employed gardener when I was growing up. I went fishing just like you said, my family were working class and because we didn’t have money we did do a lot of outdoors activities. (10 points to Jim!)
But from then on your first point goes downhill…. because you forgot one thing. Regardless of size – women are people too. I know it’s a shocking concept but our size doesn’t define us… I’m bigger now but up until two years ago I was a size ten, and even now I’m not a ‘big’ girl. I’m just a girl. Just a regular normal girl.
This section acts like women going outside and (god forbid!) doing things is something set aside for ‘bigger’ girls, when in reality any woman can like fishing, gardening, and anything they bloody well want too, regardless of their size.  Just take a look at some of these brilliant examples!
And finally on this point, if you want to act like your very PC by saying ‘bigger’ rather than fat even though it’s pretty damn clear to the women of the world what you actually mean, try not to insult the women your describing by saying ‘you can take it up with her, but I bet you won’t dare too’. Your language implies that women who don’t fit your idea of attractive are frightening in some way, and that a man cannot stand up to that sort of women. I would suggest that a man is just as okay with setting the record straight with his girlfriend, regardless of her being a size 6 or 18 because their in a relationship… which in case you didn’t know, means you can talk to one another.

14. My Girl Can Cook

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Three hispanic women cooking in the kitchen.

No way! I didn’t realise that cooking was a trait only for ‘bigger’ women. I wish I’d known that sooner because I’ve been letting my boyfriend cook for me at university and I had absolutely no idea that it was my job as a member of the bigger society to cook him luscious dinners every night. I thought that a relationship worked with two equals spending time together, and sharing chores and duties between the two of them as there both fully functioning adults… but apparently not. I’m so glad you managed to clear up how many perfectly happy couples have been doing it wrong this whole time!
Oh, and another thing. Men cook just as much, and just as well as women. And eating isn’t something only the ‘bigger’ people do because (And I’m not sure your aware!) but eating is a basic human function and cooking generally goes along with that. Therefore the women you refer to as ‘skinny’ who cook chicken breasts and side salads probably like to indulge in a hearty burger too, and ‘bigger’ women like myself don’t avoid salad like the plague in most instances either. Just a heads up.

13. Calorie Counting Is Out

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Woman standing with her back to the camera.

I’m not being funny or anything but dating a woman who is voluptuous or has some meat on her body doesn’t mean that she doesn’t diet, and or think about her weight. I have gone from skinny to curvy and back again like a yoyo, but that doesn’t mean that when I’m feeling a bit sluggish or think I’ve put on a little too much weight, I don’t decide to just live with the fact that I’m not keen on my body at that time. I work on it.
So saying that dieting and calorie counting is out of the picture when dating a bigger girl is not only ridiculous, but insulting. As a woman, any woman, regardless of size, can choose to do whatever she wants with her body whether that be gaining or getting rid of weight.
Just try not to be so judgemental of a woman, because one day your girl might turn around and tell you that your a ‘bigger’ guy and just think about how you’ll feel when you’re one of us

12.It is good for his confidence

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Plus-size cheerleading team, By Kerryparke (Own work) [CC BY 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons
‘They don’t feel ready to ask out the girl they truly desire’. Well well well, Mr Hogue… I think you really need to rethink how you write from now on. You’ve just managed to alienate every ‘bigger’ woman whether they are in a relationship or not. Your making out that the men who are in a legitimate relationship with a woman who they love, are only waiting for something better to come along and using this girl as a confidence booster. And all of the women of the world who feel that they are on the curvier side should be checking up on their man because he’s clearly a freeloader using them as a stepping stone before a hotter woman comes along…
I’m just saying.
Oh, and P.S ‘A lot of guys are just hanging with plus-sized women because they don’t think they can do better and are slumming, and just waiting for the time to be right so they can make their move.’ Well I’m sorry but most women whether they are big, skinny, or somewhere in between wont find that an attractive trait in a guy, that he would treat a woman so disrespectfully. Maybe you should take the time to rethink who your friends are, because the one’s whose opinions you’ve mentioned sound like total dicks!

11. He Might Like Them Better

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Couple sit on bridge over river during sunset.

So after homing in on the fact that men only date bigger girls because they are a confidence boost, allow you to act like slobs, live an unhealthy lifestyle and belittling their very existence, you choose now to mention that some men prefer bigger women.
Better late than never I suppose!
Yes you are right, some men do prefer bigger women. You never specify what you mean by a ‘bigger’ woman though, but judging from the images used on your article to show curvier girls… as a woman myself I would estimate from these pictures that all of the girls in these photographs are between a size 12-16. The average size for a woman in the UK is a size 14, and anything below that is considered ‘slim’. Therefore the images you are using to show ‘bigger’ girls only show you to be misinformed about the female body.

10. They Are Easy To Talk Too

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Plus-size model wearing stripy dress with a smile on her face.

The cliche that bigger people have better personalities because there making up for their lack of good looks is not only ridiculous because it makes out their bright personalities are acts put on to impress the outside world, but also casts all women in a bad light because slim girls are classed as ‘uptight’ and big girls are ‘fun’.
Just in case you weren’t aware beauty is totally open to interpretation, you may prefer girls of size 8, but my boyfriend prefers a curvier figure, and there will be men who like every variation in between. A woman can be beautiful from her personality, her face, her figure, or any aspect of her character and her looks do not define her, although you seem hellbent on acting as if looks are all that matter.
And F.Y.I Maybe if men who think this way judged a woman on more than just their physical appearance they would realise that whether tall, petite, large or short every woman has their own personalities and if you actually try and talk to them, that will shine through.

9. Picking A Place To Eat Is Easy

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Woman in snow looking into a large mug about to drink.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Now this, this is something else!
‘This can be a huge issue, no pun intended’ Who are you trying to kid Jimmy?! It’s pretty bloody clear that you deliberately put that pun in else you wouldn’t have added that little morsel of journalist garbage – it’s unlikely anybody would have noticed it if you hadn’t pointed it out because it is a pretty poor pun in the first place.
And also just because a girl likes food, doesn’t mean that she likes ‘all’ food. A girl on the bigger end of the spectrum doesn’t mean that she’ll like Italian, Thai, or fish. She might enjoy Chinese and Indian and again she might not. Maybe to avoid a massive argument when you want to get some food, you could sit down like a rational couple and check the menu of the place online if it’s a planned outing, and check that there’s food for you both. Or even better, compromise both of you and find somewhere to go you both like.

8. Cuddling Is The Best

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Model of the average female size, size 14, stands in front of a mosaic wall looking beautiful.

This very well might be the first complimentary thing you have said about ‘bigger’ girls since you started this article, so well done for that! Although perhaps to inflate the ego’s of bigger girls you’d have enough intellect to be able to do it, without insulting the girls who aren’t that body type. ‘Cuddling a skinny woman is no fun at all. It feels like you are snuggling with your 12-year-old brother.’ Well if that’s your opinion I wonder how you know that fact? Throughout the whole of point 8 you have used belittling skinnier women to make your point, but the media does this in droves everyday and it’s led to a culture where women belittle other women to make themselves feel better, and men judge women merely on appearance only. It needs to stop, and the language you use to describe women in general whether ‘big’, ‘average size’ or ‘skinny’ is derogatory and you should really rethink how you speak about women in general.

7. She Is A Built-In Workout Buddy

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Plus-size model Katya Zharkova By Katya Zharkova – http://instagram.com/p/frBByDyi9l, CC BY-SA 1.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=32327815

What does this even mean? If you’re dating a ‘bigger’ woman because of all the up-sides you’ve previously described such as being easy to talk too, good sense of humour, confidence boost and no worries in eating in your favourite restaurant why would you risk that by making her work out? You’ve completely disregarded all your previous points in by saying you want her to work out?
If you want her to work out, then she’s likely to lose weight and not be what you call ‘big’ anymore. But all of the attributes you’ve listed above, you say are directly correlated with the fact that she is ‘big’, so wouldn’t those things all disappear?
No…of course they wouldn’t. Which just goes to show that even while writing this article you knew that the opinions expressed were contradictory to your previous reasoning about why men date bigger women.
Also – skinny girls don’t necessarily go to the gym, or work out. A lot of women work on their body to the point where they are happy with how they look, but that doesn’t mean that only petite builds work out. ‘Bigger’ girls also go to the gym and workout, but if they are happy with their bodies then they don’t have too. Just because they are with you and you go to the gym, doesn’t mean there automatically going to want to go too, I’ve been invited to the gym many times with my girls, but I’m happy with my body so I don’t go. Don’t assume that bigger girls want to change their bodies – thank you very much!

6. There Is Less Pressure On You To Look Good

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Plus-size model in magazine spread. By Irina Slutsky https://www.flickr.com/photos/irinaslutsky/2504335839

‘kicking around the house all Sunday watching football and eating a whole bag of Cheese Doodles is more than fine’ Yes, you are definitely right there. But it isn’t anything to do with the fact that you’ve gotten with a plus-sized girl, it’s because you are dating a human being who is decent and doesn’t expect to see you at your best at all times.
When you are in a relationship you will have lazy days where you spend all day eating junk food, binge-watching your favourite Netflix series and lying around in your pyjamas/underwear. But maybe you just don’t have very good taste in women, but most girls regardless of size don’t feel the need to only see their boyfriend/husband/partner when they are groomed, washed, and dressed. It’s something to do with both of you being mature enough adults to accept each other as they are. Maybe if you weren’t judging a woman purely on their looks you’d find a girl who wasn’t judging you purely on yours either?

5. Jealousy Is A Thing Of The Past

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Plus-size model Fluvia Lacerda By Carmakoma (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons
If you are the kind of man to be jealous the second your girl is out of sight, then it just goes to show how much you trust your partner. It doesn’t matter whether your girl is ‘traditionally hot’ as you put it, or not, because to someone she is the hottest and most beautiful girl on the planet. If you are with a woman because you feel that nobody else could possibly look at her and find her attractive then maybe you should re-evaluate what you’re doing with her.
You probably also deserve for her to prove you wrong…

4. They Tend To Be Funny

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Woman smiling and messing with her glasses.

Do you seriously think that the reason women are funny is because their trying to steal the limelight from their non-funny friends? I’m not being funny but between girls we have a lot of jokes that would make us laugh, but you or anyone else on the planet would be staring with blank faces.
Petite girls are not stone-hearted ice-queens with no sense of humour, and plus-sized women are not jovial look-at-me show-off’s with the personalities of Aladdin’s Genie. Each woman is different and every woman has a sense of humour, it’s just a case of finding the woman who has the sense of humour that your’s gels with.

3. They Tend To Be Eager To Please

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Plus-size woman in front of tiled wall.

How dare you act as if you are the authority on curvier women!
‘I know, I get it. I know that sounds really bad.’ At least you know you’re being insulting. ‘But it is true.’ Oh I’m sorry Jim… I didn’t realise you were the world leading sociologist on what bigger women do and think, please excuse my insolence.
If a woman is willing to look past your flaws (Of which there seem to be many) and try and please you even though your ideas of a good time is not the same as hers, you shouldn’t just take advantage of that and get her to do everything you want because you can. If she’s willing to do things for you that she’s unsure about it, maybe you could do the good grace of giving her the same benefit of the doubt.

2. You Can Take Them Anywhere

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No Girls Allowed sign by Dr.Coop https://www.flickr.com/photos/professorcooper/4758079826

Yes you can, because they’re people.
There’s not likely to be anywhere you’d want to take your girlfriend where signs would prohibit her entrance because she’s not below a size 10. If you want to go somewhere and so does your girl, perhaps that’s because she wants to understand all of your likes and dislikes. Perhaps you should realise that women aren’t defined by their size. Just because a girl is a size 8 doesn’t mean that she doesn’t enjoy helping you in the garden, playing golf or resurrecting an old shed. And being a size 18 doesn’t mean that you don’t enjoy walks on the beach, salads on the seaside, or dancing the night away.

1.  They Are Easy To Ask Out

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Plus size young woman using laptop sat on yellow sofa.

‘A guy ends up asking someone he is pretty sure that he will not get rejected by, which is why he asks out a plus-sized woman in the first place. Or maybe he is into women who are that size.’ So men ask out plus-size women because it means they don’t have to ask out a different woman who they deem ‘more attractive’? Really? But you do go on to say that he could possibly be into women who are that size, but maybe rephrasing would be good because its clear that you personally cannot fathom why a man would ever pick a plus-size woman without using her to build confidence until something better comes along.
I hope that the men who ask out bigger women for this reason, end up alone because they didn’t realise how great the girl was, and when he scurries back with his tail between his legs she lets him know she’s worth more before slamming the door in his face.

 

Kind Regards,

A girl who would appreciate men treating all women regardless of size like human beings.
(Most of you do anyway, this is for the uneducated few) 

 

 

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